Giorgio Baldi's

After a long hard day of sitting on a couch and watching a TV screen, there's nothing that hits the spot more than food. And not just any food will do. No my friends, I am very specific about my desires: I want delicious food. With this in mind, I set out for Giorgio Baldi's restaurant last night in an effort to satisfy my lust for delectable cuisine.

Now, after hearing great things about this establishment for months, I was a bit surprised to pull up and find it to be little more than a tiny cottage just off the PCH -- I expected a grand building perched on the edge of the water. However, given that I have both an X and a Y chromosome, I wasn't too concerned with the decor. However, even if I had been concerned, a man came and shooed me over to my table while saying things I couldn't understand. As a general rule, whenever I'm shooed by someone I can't understand, I assume it's a good sign, so it would've been okay.


For the meal, we had quite a lovely array of foods, and I'll break them down in a semi chronological order. We started with tuna tartar that was pretty good. I'm not going to say it was mind blowing, but it definitely set the proper tone for the rest of the meal. Light, delicious, and easy to share, much like the veal carpaccio we also sampled. Now, both dishes were delicious, but they confused me a little bit. Who ever had the idea to take nice big pieces of meat, slice them razor thin, and serve them as a little appetizer? It seems to me like some crazy rich person was trying to make sure their baby ate better than normal babies, so they prepared these dishes for their infant.


In between our thinly sliced dished, we had a sampling of various raviolis. If you're thinking some sort of derogatory thought about ravioli I need you to stop right now. The asparagus ravioli was fantastic, as was the lobster ravioli. Absolutely wonderful, like fresh morning dew on a puppy's nose. And those were crap compared to the the sweet corn ravioli. I almost passed out, that's how good the sweet corn ravioli was. It was the greatest thing I would ever taste, until I tried the pumpkin ravioli. If these raviolis were women, the asparagus would've been Marilyn Monroe, the lobster was Cleopatra, and the sweet corn was Helen of Troy. Who was the pumpkin? I have no clue. That level of perfection has yet to be attained. Maybe if Helen of Troy was a gourmet chef and she loved watching football, then she would be pumpkin ravioli.


For the main course, I had a Mediterranean sea bass that was absolutely delicious. I also had the joy of trying a dover sole and some lamb shank. After the tour de force that was the ravioli sampler, you would think I could no longer be impressed by anything the waiter brought out, but that simply was not so. Both fish dishes were cooked to perfection, and the lamb was unlike anything I've ever had. Some sort of mint garnish made it stand out, even amongst all the other goodness. Minty lamb shank? The shear fact that someone even thought of that impresses me. Move over Tyra Banks circa 30 pounds ago, I will now have inappropriate dreams about this meal from now on.


You shouldn't be surprised by now when I say the desserts were also fabulous. Everything we tried was good, but the tiramisu and the lemon sorbet stood out the most. It almost seems too good to be true, after the whole fabulous meal, to have just a perfectly sweet, light desert. To be honest, it reminded me of afternoon sex: unexpected, yet incredibly satisfying.

I know I've been prone to giving over the top reviews before, but ladies and gentlemen I kid you not: this was the best meal I've ever had in my life. Go there, now, and see for yourself. A perfect 10 out of 10 for Giorgio Baldi's.

The Foreman Grill

For many months I have let my grilling skills languish as I cursed the inequities of apartment living. Without a balcony or yard of any sort, I was stuck eating microwave dinners. I did have a counter top grill staring me in the face, but myself being descended from a Caveman, I refused to acknowledge any non-flame options. Simply put, I assumed my Foreman Grill, despite how Lean or Mean it claimed to be, was nonetheless unable to satisfy my desire for grilled cuisine. I saved it for making toast, or perhaps crisping an entire sandwich every now and then.
However, after a recent bout with a severe case of I-Need-To-Grill-Something-itis I decided to give the Foreman a shot. I decided well beforehand that I would not pull any punches: I would treat the little guy as if it were an actual grill (except for the part where I cover the grill in flammable materials and light it on fire). The specific grill I used was the Family Size Next Grilleration and with it I set upon trying three unique recipes that I knew for a fact would be delicious -- if I had an actual grill.

Teriyaki Salmon Burgers: This recipe is simple, yet delicious. Go get yourself some Salmon burgers, marinate them for a few hours in teriyaki sauce, and toss them on the grill. Then, when they're halfway done, you throw a pineapple ring on the grill as well. Throw it all on a bun together, toss on whatever garnish you prefer, and sit down for a nice little meal.

Lemon Herb Chicken: Again, a pretty simple concept. Go get yourself a chicken breast, and marinate it in some lemon and herbs. For an even simpler route, just buy whatever marinade you please. Side dishes can be whatever you prefer, nothing else is ending up on the grill so we're going to skip ahead.

Skirt Steak: As for our beef test subject, I went with skirt steak. Again, marinate it in whatever you choose, and toss it on the grill. Feel free to throw some bell peppers or a few tomato slices along the outside of the steak, but remember your first priority is the beef so leave that in the middle.

As far as prep time goes, none of the above recipes takes longer than a few minutes, you just need to remember to throw the marinade on and put the meat in the fridge before you go to work. Stop groaning. You can pause Regis and Kelly for one second to prepare your dinner. They'll still be there when you get back.

Finally, as you may have guessed, many of the menu decisions were made because of the Foreman itself. I don't trust the little guy with a salmon filet, filet mignon, or anything that has the word filet (or any vaguely sounding french word in it) for that matter. Don't get fancy. Emeril isn't shouting "BAM!" while he throws a T-Bone on his Foreman with Family Feud blaring in the background. That's you. And despite the fact that you can't make prime rib on your little electric grill, a skirt steak is a better option than the Cheetos you were going to have for dinner.
All in all, everything turned out pretty damn good. Like any grill, you need to pay close attention to make sure you don't overcook, and the lack of a temperature control makes this even more integral to the success of your meal. The meat dishes were well done but not burnt, and even the fruits and vegetables I tried on the grill turned out juicy and delicious.

Now, Is a salmon burger or a skirt steak the best thing I've ever eaten? No. Could I have made a better piece of meat on a real grill? Probably. Is Joan Rivers a robot? No, she's legally dead but still walking, which makes her a zombie. Despite all of those undeniable facts, the Foreman Grill nonetheless did a pretty damn good job of making me three delicious, different, and all thoroughly satisfying meals. I've give big George's grill an 8 out of 10.